Coming up for air... :)

Where has the time gone?

I certainly didn't intend this blog to go dormant for so long... but wow... so much life has happened! I think I'm finally coming up for a little air with that last major update that should have happened 6 months ago... poor little guy! ;)

This busy little boy, who didn't stay still his whole time in utero, is continuing his active lifestyle. ;)

Not quite sure how he went from this:

So much love.

My three boys

To this, so quickly!

One of his first warm outings this spring... sitting at 4 months.  He snuck it in at the tail end so he could claim sitting so early. Just a week shy of 5 months ;)

And then on the move... at 6 months!

Third kid... hence the pink hat ;)

The first video claiming "the crawl"...  this mother might be a bit of an exaggerator. 

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Honest moment here, because I don't want to pretend like it's been easy in case someone else is in a similar situation... we tend to show the highlights online and leave the impression that life has been full of enjoying this season.

Not so.

It's been a challenging few months to say the least. I knew having three this close (3.5 years old and under) would be tough, but the reality has been much, much harder. We didn't count on MJ being as "busy" as she is (that's a whole other story...!!!!) or having a newborn who cried most of the time, didn't sleep for more than two hours at a time on average, and would not nurse if there was even one tiny distraction. For five months.  It's been hard... I cried more from desperation than any other time in my life I think. I had zero patience and truly thought I was going to lose my mind and snap. I felt isolated and a tad bit alone, since my evenings were spent with a screaming baby who at any point MIGHT nurse to sleep... so I was on duty. I don't believe I had PPD... just needed much more sleep, less crying and umm... a tiny bit of obedience and lack of mischief from our older two. I felt completely out of control of my emotions and family. My days started at 5:45 most mornings (after 1.5 hr intervals of sleep at a time all night) and felt like they spiralled out of control at oh, about 5:56am...  because of my exhaustion and trying to nurse what felt like 99% of the time because he was so picky about it, it was very hard to be consistent with the older two. And we all know how that works on behaviour.... sigh. While the baby cried, struggled in my arms (I believe he had silent reflux) and pulled the tiny hairs at the back of my neck (argh!!)... one of the older two (I'll let you guess) was getting into the toilet, dumping cheerios, smearing toothpaste on the couch, writing on the walls, and well... just about anything else you can think of. Oh, and climbing. EVERYTHING.  And the other? I felt like I was in a courtroom debate most of the time. "They were just adjusting to having a baby in the house..." you might say. I don't think so -- I think they were just hitting their next "stage" but I seemed unable to be on top of it properly.  Thankfully, while all this has been going on, they have been completely in love with their baby brother and I have seen not one ounce of impatience with him (even with *all the crying*!!) until recently... and that's just because he's now on the move and touching their towers and such ;)

Why am I "documenting" this? Certainly not for sympathy... but so I remember a tiny bit of how horrible it was and maybe have more sympathy for someone else in a similar situation down the road when my hands might be freed up a bit. Because, really, we do quickly forget. Already, since things are much better on the baby end of things, those first 5 months don't seem as dark as they did at the time. And that's only a few weeks ago... I understand now why I feel many moms of older kids don't quite get the stage I'm at... because, THANK THE LORD, we do mainly remember the highlights!

I wish I could say that I have been counting my blessings (need to get back to my gratitude journalling and numbering my gifts from God!), and that I have zeroed in on spiritual lessons taught and learned during this season. I have a friend in a similar season who is amazing at doing this, and I have been helped by her blog posts! But, that hasn't been my story. 

I am getting much more sleep now and little man is so much happier this past month... really, he's so cute and smiles very easily! The older two haven't change much (since they ARE still 2 yrs and almost 4 yrs old!), but I feel like I'm just in the crazy busy stage -- not necessarily in the dark. I think I'm crawling out of "the dark" and into a season of enjoying my littles again... even with the daily craziness... thank you Lord!

I'll leave you with this cute video from this week :)

PS. He needs an online name -- his initials don't really work! Any suggestions?? ;)