July 29, 2010

Grey Matter

Is it possible to lose the ability to speak your mother tongue without having any medically diagnosed breakdowns?? I can't seem to string together a complete sentence that makes sense this week.... yikes.

I saw a blog titled "Scratches in my grey matter"...  I think that suits me this week!

July 27, 2010


Sunny skies, BBQ's, the rare day trip to the beach, the smell of freshly cut grass (my favorite!), flip flops... these are just a few of my favorite things about summer... it's a little hard to fully grasp the summer loves when in the city, but I'm trying to be optimistic! :)

July has been a busy month...  I loved having my Dad in the city for a few weeks, and was thankful we could at least steal him on the weekends. Maybe next time we'll be able to convince Mom to join him and she can camp out at our place... since Dad did our garden, put out our garbage on garbage day, washed his own sheets and towels and made up his bed before he left (!!), I figure Mom could find a few ways to keep busy too... I have a list of rooms she can paint and recipes she can bake... oh, wait, what did you say? That's not the best way to tempt her to visit??? oops... Mom - I TAKE THAT BACK! :)
The July long weekend was also our anniversary - three years! We went to a little town called Gananoque for an overnight escape... you can get a short boat cruise from there to tour the "Thousand Islands"... we took the four hour cruise which brought us across the border to New York State and dropped us off to tour Boldt Castle.  Here are a few pictures of our little escape:

I love this man... (sorry, couldn't resist)

One of the smallest islands I remember seeing with a home on it... There's barely enough room for the chairs out front!

And then one shot of the castle (I won't bore you with house after house):

A few shots of the God's handiwork :)

The Inn where we stayed - we had one of the rooms in that one level building out front:

My view from my chair outside our room ;)

We got back Friday afternoon and then Dad joined us for the weekend. At noon on Saturday, we made a wonderfully impulsive (not very characteristic of us) decision to drive to Grand Bend for a few hours at the beach. So we jumped in the car and drove 2.5 hours... yes, the BEACH is worth that kind of driving time. :)

Here is Dad strolling along the beach... if you can spot him.

We met up with friends who cottage in The Bend, and this is their youngest... love him!

Dad found some shade as he catches up with old friends... I promised I wouldn't post any bathing suit pictures, so .... hence the crop. :(

Another weekend... Dad spent the day studying, and we experimented in the kitchen... Evan slowly cooked ribs on the BBQ for the first time, and I..... wait for it.... made my first ever pie. Evan's only been begging since we umm... met?? Why is pastry such a big hurdle to overcome?!

It at least smelled good... and looked "okay"... I found it too sweet though... will have to play with that...

On Friday, July 16th, my Man's boys were in town... Manchester United! I had no idea they had such a big North American following, but there was a good sized crowd wearing jerseys and singing "football" (soccer) anthems and chants... it was really quite fun!

1:1... but Man U pulled ahead in the end... not bad, boys, not bad.

The Rogers Centre with the roof open:

And then to finish off July, a picture of Dad playing the piano... something I miss very much about being home... he didn't play it nearly enough while at our place!

So while July is drawing to a close, we're looking forward to August! Summer is going quickly though...

July 23, 2010

Love Story - End of the Beginning :)

Winter of 2007 was the coldest winter I remember experiencing... there might have been one year in Halifax when it was just as bad, but Winter '07 in Toronto will forever stand out in my memory! There was hardly any snow - it was that cold. Bitter bitter bitter biting wind. It was dreadful. Our theme song of the winter was "Baby it's cold outside..." ;)

It's easy to sum up those first few months... I was staying with a family who lived not far from My Man's place, so he picked me up bright and early every morning - actually it was dark and early... felt like midnight every morning around 6:40am when I stepped outside to face the bitter cold. We took the Go-Train downtown every morning for work. I learned my way through the underground path and only came up for air the last 5 minutes of my walk to work. brrrr I worked long hours at a PR agency - definitely not my favorite job, but worked closely with 2 great girls out of the crew. The evenings seemed short - My Man and I usually grabbed supper, and hung out a bit before parting ways to fall into our beds -- starting the cycle all over again the next morning. I felt blessed to be able to see him almost every day... it was a very rare occasion when we were unable to spend some time together.

I think it was late February or early March when My Man decided it was time to look for a house... he had been renting a this point. We drove around, he looked at some on his own, and took me through a few. For me it was SUPER awkward... he was asking my opinion, trying to gage what I liked, talking about what it would be like to live there... yet he had not asked me THE question yet. How was I to respond when I didn't have the security of having been asked to be his wife? To him it was assumed and the question was just a technicality to get to. For me, while yes it was pretty much assumed, being officially asked wasn't just a technicality... it was security and proof that he really did intend to keep me with him forever.  Until then, it felt downright uncomfortable to tell him what I liked and didn't like in a house that he would be purchasing. aaahh

It didn't take long, and he bought a house we both loved... He knew I was excited, yet I'm sure he was slightly frustrated that I was guarded with my excitement... but until he asked *the question*, I wasn't going to act as if I had any rights on the house... maybe I was being petty... but the forwardness that I showed starting our friendship/relationship was uncharacteristic of me, and this guarded protection of full-fledged dreams was more like the real me...

At some point at Christmas time, My Man had given indication he would likely be asking me *the question* in March... I forget his reasoning, but I had March stuck on my brain... come March 1st I was eagerly dissecting every word, action, facial expression - anything that might give me a clue that he was going to pop the question... one week went by, nothing. Second week went by, nothing. Maybe it was the lack of sunshine and summer warmth, but my insecurities were piled on big time. Maybe he had changed his mind?? Christmas was a long time ago, and we had spent more time apart then together in our relationship... maybe now that he's been around me so much, he's having doubts?? AAhh... the enemy loves to play mind games with us, and I let him. I wasn't doing very well with hiding my emotions, so one afternoon we had a heart to heart. The poor guy... he was all but forced to reassure me that he intended to ask me to be his wife!  (There... you're getting the ugly side of me!)

His boss gave him a gift certificate to this incredibly fancy and expensive restaurant for his work on a project. My Man booked Thursday,March 22 as the night to go... ah ha! This was it - it had to be. He wouldn't waste such an event in the month of March... would he?  I work all day, stomach in knots for what the evening might hold... the clock ticked by SO slowly. Finally I was able to leave... I met My Man - looking so handsome waiting there for me... we had some time to kill before our reservation, so he suggested a walk down to the waterfront... I smile. This had to be it. So down the street we go, walking hand-in-hand... we pass the restaurant where we had our first official date the August before... it was a bit chilly as we walked, but the sun had come out. We get to the water and he sits down on a bench and pats the spot beside him. Oo Oo Oh.... this HAD to be it.  My Man starts talking, with his arm around me - pulling me in close... he says all these sweet things and makes me feel truly like his one and only... my heart pounded. Oh how I loved this man. He pulls out a beautiful solitaire ring and asks the question as simply as he asked that first question the previous August ... and I breathlessly hug him saying "Yes, yes... I love you!"  I couldn't wipe the smile off my face... for days. ;)  All those years of my life when I wandered into jewelry stores gazing at the diamond rings, imagining what it would be like... well, when this day finally came, I realized that while I L.O.V.E. my ring, it was the question that mattered the most. I would have said the exact same thing had he been holding nothing in his hand... I loved him, and I wanted to spend the rest of my days with him... wherever he was - I wanted to be there.

The rest is a whirlwind of working, planning a PEI wedding from Toronto, and realizing he had more opinions than I thought he would... ;)  I would have joyfully eloped, skipping all the stress... but in the end, when *The Day* finally arrived, it was a beautiful wonderful day.... and then I was glad we didn't elope. But I was thrilled we kept it as small as we did (112 people) with mainly family and a handful of friends across Canada and one American (my NJ Girl friend doesn't count - she married a Canadian!)... :)  The Lord blessed us with perfect weather and I can truthfully say we had fun on our wedding day.

Minus my walk down the looooong outdoor aisle... I thought I was going to die. Literally. Even seeing My Man wasn't keeping my imminent death away... it wasn't until dear Mr. McIlwaine, performing the ceremony, cracked a joke to make me laugh... then I relaxed and realized it was a *great* day to be alive!! :)

Here are a few pictures from the day...

I think this is after Robert made me laugh... :)

I love this of my parents and my brother... 
But my parents look just a little too joyful to be handing me off... 

Socializing after the ceremony... thankful that the rain stayed away once the ceremony started!

At one point we were posing for the guests... I had to post this one for a certain someone... 
Not sure how she was wanting us to pose?! ;)

Before the ceremony, we did almost all our pictures... 
Here are just a few from our photographers - Alex and Kate MacAulay:
You can see more of their incredible work here

Note the difference between the Vancouver Boys and the Island girls in this next picture...

There's really no end to this Love Story... Our God preserved us for each other and drew us together in His timing... He alone could have pulled this off -- bringing My West Coast Man and this East Coast Island Girl together.   This is just the beginning... :)

I might do one more post on our honeymoon, because really - how many couples start off their life together driving a U-Haul for 20 hours??

July 22, 2010

Love Story - Part 9

School life just wasn't the same that fall semester... I had loved the previous two semesters and completely enjoyed my summer work experience... I still hold those four months as my best-ever job experience!  But this particular semester, my heart just wasn't in it, and my head certainly was elsewhere. It was focused on the nightly long-distance phone call and watching my inbox for any mail addressed to "Sweetheart"...

Yes, I was a goner. And this separation was killing me. But we kept encouraging each other (more like My Man kept refocusing me) that God knew this separation was all part of the plan and because of that, something in this was best for us at this time.

True. It certainly gave us time to clear our heads and ensure we were following God's leading, and not just our own hearts. It allowed us hours of conversation on the phone to get to know each other better, to ask questions and have in-depth discussions. It allowed us to see how each other coped in difficult situations where impatience was easily to come by. It allowed us time to not only lean on each other but on our God in those lonely times when we just wanted the separation to end.  It allowed us time to remember what real life is like - not just the daily anticipation, giddiness and highs that new love surrounds us with.  We still had deadlines to meet, work assignments, school projects, bills to pay, assembly responsibilities, and so on. Yes, as difficult as that separation was, it worked to our good - Praise God.

We had it easy compared to some couples. Some people don't see each other for four months or longer... I think the longest we went without seeing each other was 4 weeks... We decided My Man should come East to meet my connections for Thanksgiving. I was super excited, yet nervous. I wanted him to like my friends, and I wanted them to like him. I wanted it to be a good weekend... I wanted him to meet everyone, but I also didn't want to share him!  Talk about conflicting emotions. ;)

In the end, it was a very good weekend. My parents and brother came to Halifax for a couple hours on their way to a conference 4 hours away, so they were able to meet My Man briefly. If you know my parents, you can only imagine how nervous they were! I think it's supposed to be the other way around, but nope... that's just our family for you. :)  He was staying with my sister and brother-in-law, so had a chance to get to know them a bit. We spent a nice balance of time sightseeing alone and hanging out with friends. I think he was able to get a good feel for my Halifax life in the short amount of time.  But the weekend ended far too soon, and it was another round of goodbyes and tears... (I tried to stay calm!)

Things were a whirlwind at school... and it was time to start looking for our next co-op job for Jan-April. This time there was no desire to go to Calgary or Vancouver... no, my heart was set on Toronto! We were both praying for that, as it seemed the most natural step forward... but who knew - God might have other plans. To our relief, He didn't.... I applied to a few places, was asked for an interview at one place downtown Toronto, and to my surprise and great joy - was offered the job! Some students are searching for co-ops right down until the last minute deadline at the end of the semester, and I can't tell you what peace I had when God opened doors and gave me a job at the very beginning of the search. It was like He gave his nod of approval. :) And, it was one less thing I had to stress about the rest of the semester!

The next time together was back in Toronto a few weeks later. I don't remember much about that trip, but two things stand out... One, I dropped in to see my future boss come January... but the other event was the highlight. We were sitting around when My Man turns to me and says, "So do you want to do something just for fun?" Rather vague... so I said, "Sure...I think...What?"  And he, my dearest, says "Want to go look at rings just for fun?" WHAT? Like... R.I.N.G.S?!  "Umm.. ok. Sure!" 

Inside I'm thinking, "How can this just be for fun?? This is part of the future that I want for us, so really... to me it's not just for fun... but is it for him??"   Seriously, how come us girls are so insecure. Obviously he's not going to take me looking at rings if he doesn't plan for it to be in our future too. Anyway...

It was a fun trip together... I can't tell you how many times I walked into jewelry stores to look at engagement rings... I've tried countless ones on in my history...  I wasn't a girl that had her wedding all planned out, but two aspects of that "much-dreamed-about-day" always stood out for me - the rings and the dress. That's it.  Small ticket items. ;)

I look back now and think it's funny... to My Man, it was just an outing... maybe a way for him to gather some information for a future day... but for ME?! It sent questions swirling around in my mind, the emotional roller coaster going at full speed... "He's obviously thinking about asking me... I wonder when? I mean, we have hardly KNOWN each other very long, let alone dated much..."    Little wonder why I remember nothing else about that trip. ;)

The end of the semester was in sight... lots going on. Exams, papers, group projects...  planning for a move to the concrete jungle, and planning a trip to Vancouver to meet My Man's family. I was a wreck. Too much happening at once. I had my apartment furniture here and there all across town, and needed to do something permanent with everything before I moved. My Man and I had talked, and while it wasn't for sure yet, it just didn't seem that likely I would be moving back. I sold some stuff, gave away some stuff, trashed some stuff, and then took a van load packed to the brim to PEI to store in my parents' house. Lucky them! :)

I was having a hard time leaving... my emotions were strung out. I just wanted to be with My Man, but I had such dear friends in Halifax and it was hurting to leave. It was weird, because my heart was saying a final goodbye because deep down I believed I was moving for good, yet since I technically was only going for 4 months, it wasn't a big deal to anyone else...  And on top of everything, I was beyond nervous meeting My Man's family. I'm not quite as social and outgoing as people think! :)

I flew out after my last exam, and connected with My Man in the Toronto airport... together again!!! What a sweet moment. Almost pushed out the nervousness, but... not quite. We landed in Vancouver - a place I had always wanted to visit, and I was doing my very best not to be sick. It turned out, I had nothing to fear... his parents and sister welcomed me with wide open arms and huge smiles on their face! It didn't take me long to realize that they had accepted me into their family... huge sigh of relief. :)

It was a great visit and so nice to meet the ones My Man loved so much, to hear their stories about him, and to see him in his "home setting"... it made me love him even more.

We parted once more on Christmas Eve when I flew home for Christmas. I was only with my family for a couple days before flying back to Toronto to start my new job. This time I was excited! :)

July 21, 2010

PFG Revealed

Project Flower Garden:

What the front of our house looked like Saturday afternoon:

A close up of my healthy weeds:

I missed a few picture opportunities here... like when I came home from work and found an amazingly cleaned out garden bed - no weeds left! And two plants sitting there, along with a few bags of mulch... Dad worked hard ALL DAY pulling weeds from the front of our house and the back.... it was such a wonderful surprise to come home to - completely appreciated!!

While he was out visiting for the evening, Evan and I decided we better do this once and for all... we went and got a couple more plants, a few more bags of soil and mulch... Dad had left a note that he planned to finish the planting, etc the next day but wanted our input to where we wanted the plants he bought.... I couldn't let him do all our work, so we went to work on it while he was out...

Here Evan is laying down the "weed cover" Dad also bought... :)

Sorry for the quality of the pictures - it was now dark....

Almost done... but we weren't sure what we were doing with the back row of "plants" (not sure they qualify as that), so we left some work for Dad for the next day... aren't we nice?!

The next day... and yes, it was once again evening... Dad went out to water OUR plants... we couldn't stay inside and let him do our work (again), so we went out and decided to just finish off with the mulch we had, and not move around any of the plants in the back row. 

Here is Dad busy watering... and if you're wondering why he's using a bucket - we don't have a water source out front and at the moment our hose won't reach... so it comes out halfway down our house, and then we fill a bucket up there and bring the water to the plants... maybe another reason why only weeds grow here?!

A daylight picture from this morning... not the BEST garden you've ever seen, but certainly better than all those weeds.... Now we just need to remember to water... and maybe buy some more mulch as it's spread pretty thin.

sigh....  I'm tired.  Thanks Dad. ;)

(no really - THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)


Anyone remember what that means??

Can't wait to show you... not that it's anything spectacular, but.... ;)

And it's all thanks to my Dad. He's the best! x0x

July 19, 2010

Love Story - Part 8

I can't explain the rush of emotions at that question... a complete mix of relief, excitement, peace and anticipation.  I could finally lay my head on his shoulder in contentment, while he kissed the top of my head. In a moment he became not only my Tall Friend but My Man. My favorite person to spend time with... the one I spent most of my days thinking about, counting the hours until I could see him again. The one I had prayed for, for so many years... wondering if he even existed.

My God surprised me.

Many times my faith wavered, my trust was weak, and my heart hurt.  Very few of us are naturally content with being single. I wasn't. Everyone wants to be loved and wanted, and I was no different. I was lonely. I spent a number of years agonizing over that. But there came a point in my relationship with my God before I went to Toronto that summer, that He opened my eyes to the wasted time, energy and emotions of longing for something I didn't have.  He pushed me until I HEARD Him - He wanted me to be satisfied and content with HIM alone.  And really, while I struggled with going to Toronto for that summer, I was ok with my "non-relationship-status" because I was trusting that God knew best and that His timing is always right. Even if He called me to be single for life.

I don't know how long my attitude would have remained like that, but I'm glad that's where I was emotionally and mentally when God brought my tall friend into my life...  I know even now I often struggle with the truth that my God STILL wants me to find my root satisfaction, contentment and joy in Him alone... and to praise and thank Him for the additional joys, blessings and love He has gifted me.

When I was least expecting it - God brought along the one He had planned for me all along. Someone perfectly suited for me, while very much an almost complete opposite. He brought the "City Boy" who will always attempt to tame the "Island Girl"... :) He brought someone who makes me laugh. Isn't it wonderful to be with someone you can laugh with? He brought someone who would envelope me with love - even if he didn't always understand me. He brought someone who would encourage me to move outside my comfort zone. He brought someone who would be forgiving of my inexperienced domestic skills. He brought someone along who loves the Lord and desires to serve Him. He brought along someone who enjoyed just being with me. Isn't it special to know that someone likes you and enjoys being with you? He brought someone along who is most certainly my better half... someone I respect, admire, enjoy and love with all my heart.

After accepting my tall friend's offer to take his hand and join him on this road of life, I never once had doubts that my Man was the one for me. I took the last week of August off before going back to Halifax for school, and my Man took a week's vacation... we spent every day together doing day trips to places like Kingston and Bon Echo Provincial Park. We made memories, asked questions learning more about each other, and just enjoyed each other's company. It was a special week... and made the parting at the end that much harder.

I was going back to Halifax for another semester of school... but I was leaving my heart in Toronto.

July 15, 2010

Love Story - Part 7

Oh the anticipation... Saturday was here! The day of the big Gold Ticket Tennis match..I think I called it a Gold medal round in previous posts...that is incorrect... I don't think they have gold medals in these championships... looking through my pictures refreshed my memory and apparently this event was a semi-final - not a final.   I guess it was "gold seating" we had...Oops! I knew it was "gold" something and I'll refrain from making a very corny comment about a "golden day"...

So Saturday... I got up early and was out the door on a very sunny day... caught my bus and eventually arrived at Finch Station - all jittery I might add. I had great expectations for this day! I found my tall friend and we hit the subway for our destination - The Danforth.

It was such a fun time... the place was PACKED with people and there was food and music everywhere. We were totally enjoying ourselves and it didn't feel strange at all to be together alone. It was comfortable. Relaxed. Perfect. We shared a bunch of Loukoumadas: Greek honey balls that squirt and melt in your mouth. Yum Yum YUMM! For lunch we both had delicious messy gyros... did I mention messy?? Dripping everywhere... proof we were comfortable with each other. :)

After we had our full of people watching (I tried to upload a video of a lady dancing in the crowd to the Greek bands... hilarious. It won't upload.), food tasting, hot and sweaty walking, we headed back to the subway to return to my tall friend's car. It was time for the next event of the day - the Rogers Cup!

We arrived early and wandered the grounds... there were some booths and stuff. Finally we settled in to watch the game. I got brave and snapped a one-arm picture of us to capture the day...

The game was fun. Sitting there commenting on various guests was fun. Oops - did I say that out loud? Sitting there silently watching together was fun. I was so comfortable with him that at one point I ALMOST laid my head on his shoulder because it was just there... I caught myself in time and gave myself a stern talking to. I had really been quite forward enough, don't you think?!

During intermission we captured a few pictures to prove we were there... :)

This may not have been during intermission... but it's definitely a mock-excitement shot...
way too much enthusiasm for the man I know! ;)

Another proof we were there... :)

When we came out of the stadium, the winner was already posted (Federer!) - seriously, they must have been standing there with the "stickers" to paste as SOON as the last call was made and the winner declared.  As you can see - I really really dress up for my "dates"...

The activities of the day were over - it had been a busy but most wonderful day. It was dark and I was sleepy... but all my senses were alert. All day I wondered WHEN he would ask me out... then I'd tell myself: "It is likely just you! On his end, he's only hanging out with his friend..." And then my heart would sink. Could it really be like that? It felt so right... I had peace when I was with him... oh the inner turmoil and conversations!

The drive home was rather quiet. My thoughts certainly weren't quiet. The fact that my tall friend was SO quiet really made me wonder. But, he drove right into the driveway without saying anything and it felt like the bottom of my heart dropped. After having all day alone together, a whole drive home together, nothing had happened. With all the opportunity, it wasn't like anything was going to happen in the driveway in front of "my house" when we could get caught sitting there.

Then he said something after he put the car in park. "... Janna, will you go out with me?" Seriously - just like that?! No preamble, no "umms and ahhhs"... just deep breath and a straight forward question?? I had been waiting for this for what seemed like forever (I had known him a little less than two months)... What do I say to this??


Yes... that is what I said. So eloquent... so demure... so thought out...   Why he didn't turn and run at that moment, I will never understand.

July 12, 2010

Love Story - Part 6

The phone was ringing... My panicked thoughts: "What on earth am I doing?!? Hang up! Hang up!"


Too late... couldn't hang up... couldn't just say I was calling to say hi, cause that's.... well, that's just ridiculous. I'm sure I stammered and stuttered yet I was trying to be cool and act like this is something I did all the time! And of course, he's "just a friend" so there's no issue, right?? I finally blurt out my question...

"Umm... I've been given two tickets to the Roger's Cup Gold medal match, and I thought you might be interested in going... no worries if you're busy or not interested, just...if you want to." Heart pounding. WHY AM I DOING THIS?! Yet strangely excited that this might happen. Such a mix of emotions.

"I'd love to! That's sounds great! Thank you!"

Me... "Really?? Cool." :)   Inside Happy Dance. Truly.

I don't think the conversation went much longer - I really don't remember. It was blur. I hung up and stared at the wall with this grin on my face... maybe, just maybe... I really was getting hopeful.

Thursday we were meeting up with NJ Girl and her husband in the evening, and for some reason my tall friend was the one to pick me up. It was a fairly long commute getting up to NJ Girls' home - bus, subway, change to another subway line and then take a bus to a stop up closer to NJ Girl's home where they'd pick me up.  This day, my tall friend offered to cut off that last leg of the trip and pick me up at the end of the East subway line at the mall where he had picked me up the Friday before going up to the cottage. Fine with me! :)

And for another reason that I also can not remember (likely the same reason why he was picking me up and not NJ Girl), we stopped at Subway (the fast-food restaurant - not the underground train!) for a quick supper. I think we were just meeting up with NJ Girl and her husband at Starbucks afterwards... anyway, I managed to get half a sandwich or so down while we chatted. Other than my stomach and the butterflies that I could not tame, I was actually quite comfortable with this tall friend. Conversation was easy, and I just felt content.

We hung out with NJ Girl and her husband, and when it was time to leave, my tall friend casually offered to drive me home to save NJ Girl and her husband the trip ("home" was about 30 minutes away). I was getting reckless now... I didn't hesitate and said "Sure!" and jumped into the front seat of his Civic.  NJ Girl looked kind of surprised, but nothing was said... ;)

NJ Girl and her husband must have been going away for some of the weekend - I don't remember... but on the way home my tall friend suggested we hang out Friday evening, you know, because "we were both free"... So plans were made for him to pick me up at the subway stop after work... Excited and nervous!  The "vibes" were certainly going in the right direction...

And lest you think this was being "run" on emotions alone, I was praying specifically about this tall friend since not long after we met... first, "Lord - Please guard my heart... don't let me be fickle... guard me from emotional turmoil that is not part of your plan..."  Then, "Lord - this doesn't seem to be going away... every time I'm around him, these emotions get stronger... Please direct me! Please give me peace in knowing You are guiding me... Please close the door if this is 'just about me and my emotions'... and please, please don't let me 'fall alone'..."  And then, "Lord, there really seems to be peace here... he really seems to be 'the one'... we connect... deep down there is a contentedness and peace when I'm around him... if this from You? You know my heart and how I can deceive myself... so please, please continue to guide me... guide us... preserve us from making a mistake..."

Somehow during these days, I managed to be productive at work... I have written proof... thankfully, because when I look back to these couple of weeks - all I remember is a love-sick haze! :)

Friday after work... we went to the driving range again. Funny. We didn't spend too long there... it wasn't a "much-loved" activity - more just something to do. Of course we went out to eat again... why he continued to bring me near food is beyond me, because my appetite seriously was gone. I'd be starving, and then two bites and I wouldn't be able to get another thing down. Other than the awkwardness of it, I certainly enjoyed the effect it was having on my clothes fitting! :)

The Taste of the Danforth - a street festival all about Greek food and culture - was happening on Saturday, so since we were meeting up late afternoon for the Tennis match, we decided to go early and spend the day on the Danforth. Instead of him driving all the way North to pick me up in the morning, I offered to take the bus down to the Finch subway stop and meet him there. Seemed to make the most sense so he agreed before dropping me off for the night.

It was this drive home when I really started to think he might ask me out. 30 long minutes of making small talk, enjoying the silence, listening to Third Day and constantly thinking... "Now? Is he going to ask now??" I had no idea how or when it would happen, but I did have a deep down peace about saying "yes"... once you got past the butterfly activity.  The butterfly activity that was affecting both my eating and sleeping...

July 10, 2010

Love Story - Part 5

The day at the cottage... that weekend seemed like a turning point. From that point on, I had less doubt my tall friend was interested in more than friendship. (I think that sentence says what I mean it to say!) I don't know what was different - maybe just hopeful thinking on my end!

Before and after THE cottage weekend, Starbucks was a favorite haunt for the four of us - my NJ friend and her husband, my tall friend and me. Many evenings were spent relaxing there on Main St Unionville - chatting, laughing, musing and just enjoying friendship. We often went there after a "game" (don't laugh) of tennis or frisbee... or skipped out on the physical activity and just went for a frap (for them) and a cinnamon dolce (for me). Those were wonderful evenings.

Not too long after the day at the cottage, my NJ friend (I think I'll call her NJ Girl) invited the family I was staying with over after a meeting, along with myself and.... yes... him. It was very rare that they invited me without the 'tall guy', and vice-versa. They ordered pizza and we sat around their little apartment to eat.

Remember - my stomach couldn't handle this excitement in my life and I was eating about three bites a day... not that much of an exaggeration! NJ Girl must have had enough and couldn't keep quiet about the change she noticed in my eating habits... I tried to shush her without being noticable (ha), and she kind of caught on that I didn't want it advertised... but not before the hawk eyes of some of the other guests... there were some "knowing looks" but they let it go without too much ado.

I think my secret was starting to get out...

At work, there was no secret. The girls were asking for daily updates... Two of the ladies were in their 40's and were often the "motherly-protective" types with me. They had been very hesitant of me going for that 2 hour car ride up to the cottage with this guy I had "just met"... they didn't quite get our *little* (ha) network... ;)

In August 2006, the Men's Rogers Cup was in Toronto and my boss was given 4 tickets to the gold medal game. Instead of going himself, he offered the tickets to his small team, and somehow I ended up with two tickets! I don't know much about tennis, but I'll go to pretty much any sporting event and enjoy myself. Except  Jay's game... did that and was bored to tears. Thankfully we were with fun friends, and that entertained me. :) Anyway, back to the Rogers Cup. I was excited about this opportunity! And... I had a decision to make - who to invite to this great event with me?? hmmm

I mulled it over... I could invite NJ Girl, but she has zero interest in sports. Couldn't invite her husband - that would just be weird! Could I invite my tall friend?? whoa... that's awfully forward. I mean, I had guy friends back home who I would ask in a second and not think twice about it... but... this guy?? I wasn't asking for a date... but really, it would sound like I was... oh, the dilemma... I certainly knew who I WANTED to invite, but did I dare??

A couple days passed, but I couldn't wait much longer... I certainly didn't want that seat to go empty. The girls at work thought it wasn't a big deal and that I should go for it... but that's not really who I should always get advice from. :)

Part of me hated this "hanging" feeling... I had fallen hard. But I was still holding back some, because I  thought it could be a one-way deal.  I still had one more month to go before going back to Halifax, and if I was left in the dark for another 3 weeks or so.... well, I would just get further involved emotionally and going home without knowing seemed more than I was prepared for. Maybe watching a game of tennis would help??  (Go ahead - you can roll your eyes... ) At least if I discovered we were just friends than I would know and could deal with it...  it had happened before in my little life, and I survived... and could see it was God's best for me. If it was to happen again, He would help me through.

So one morning at work I sat there staring at my cell phone....  I had his number from the time he called to arrange the cottage plans.  Do I take this very forward plunge?? This was so against what I would ever do with someone I was interested... in the past I ran. I hid. I certainly wasn't calling the person up!

But this was different... for some reason I understood he'd be ok with the call even if he couldn't go. So, with MUCH shakiness, I picked up my phone and dialed....

Oh NO! It was ringing!!