It's cold. Stinkin' cold.
Well, actually, this is a delayed complaint about the last couple of days because today isn't that bad... but Thursday until early this morning?? FRIGID. I think we're paying for our nice mild winter last year. I guess it's to be expected - we do live in Ontario - not exactly known for its balmy temperatures in January.
But it certainly makes me want to go someplace warm to thaw out... some place South... I'm dreaming of last year's vacation in Mexico. It was the B.E.S.T. vacation with just the two of us... the two laziest people on earth I'm afraid... so it was the perfect vacation for us. We laid there in the sun. Ate. Slept. Read. Slept. Got in the pool for the moments when we were overheating, and then back out to our deck chairs... it was wonderful.
We had hopes of going again this winter, but it doesn't look like our schedules are going to allow it. I'm trying to get over my disappointment, knowing I have a full summer ahead of me... this summer will be different than any other summer of my life - I will be a mom to a little 1-3 month old who will just be getting used to his or her new world... blows me away. Gone will be the days of laying there, leisurely reading and napping... but I might get a couple in here and there! ;)
I didn't imagine being one to almost panic at the thought of being a mom... being responsible for everything to keep this child safe and nurtured... I read about how, around the middle of your pregnancy, you may experience some anxiety about your upcoming life changes... I guess I had myself on a false platform thinking that yes, sure, some people must experience that... but I am so excited and "so ready" (ha!) to be a mom that I won't experience that... whoa. Silly me. My pride shows up again, thinking I'm better than I am... and REALLY, WHO do I think I am?!?!?
In this last week I have been overcome with moments of anxiety in the quiet times... like when I'm trying to go to sleep... or when I walk into the house at the end of the work day and see that it still looks like a disaster, yet I have no energy to clean it... and if I feel like that now, what will it be like when this child arrives and my sleep is so limited?? A million questions swirl in my head - "Will I be able to..." "What will I do when..." "How will I..." "Do I know how to be a mom??"
But before I need the paper bag to breath into (and just before), I remind myself that God is in control. He has chosen to bless us with this little one, and in doing so, He has promised to give help, give strength, and give wisdom if we look to HIM. He is the ultimate Father, and we can learn so much about parenting by obeying Him and looking to Him for guidance. I must trust Him... and let Him teach me how to be a mom who honours Him and loves and raises her child in a home where God is glorified. Raising a child is a privilege and a gift from God Himself... I know it won't be an easy road, but I will look to my Heavenly Father to lead the way.
And first steps first... I will trust Him through the next 18 weeks or so, and then through ummm... childbirth (yikes!!)... :)
PS. I encourage you to check in on Joanne's blog to see updates on how God is answering the prayers of His people... it is so exciting!